little by little i will save my life and the rot in my stomach will swell into something sweet and it’ll sit on my tongue and i will think to myself how silly it is to wallow when there is a sun that shines and hands that reach for other hands. little by little i will remember every vessel in me bears the promise that most sweet things shall stay alive for as long as i live alongside them. little by little i will leave my head for the real world and i will fearlessly dangle my feet on tall grass and without hesitance reach for a star knowing with absolute certainty that i can never hold it close or call it mine and that it’ll never love me back or yearn for me half as much. so here we are, me and my hope, and our only means of staying tethered together which is through the little by the little. little by little i will save my life not as some monumental course-altering endeavour of bigness and bravery and prettyness like in the poems… but by simply putting my life in warm clothes.
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My dad was dealing with some mixed feelings so I told him "In therapy when something is too complicated to do a simple 'pro and contra list' we sometimes do an excercise where you imagine all these mixed feelings around a table in some kind of conference, letting each tell their bit and you leading the debate."
and my dad didn't really respond and just stared ahead so I kept preparing lunch. Until a few minutes later when he suddenly piped up: "I am having a bad time at the conference"
do you ever just get quiet. i mean same body but everything feels a little bit like it’s under snow. the shush of a library. the gentle rhythm of a calm sea. like i’m alright. i’m okay. i just don’t feel like talking.
“I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me who I am.”
— The Waves by Virginia Woolf
“I liked the intensity of emotion, even if it was bad,”
— Chelsea Hodson, from Tonight I’m Someone Else: Essays; “A Simple Woman,”
(via violentwavesofemotion)
“It’s amazing how much damage can be done when you have nothing but good intentions.”
—
Healing is neither linear nor permanent. The journey back to yourself after trauma will be a long one with many detours and unexpected turns. Pack light.
“I know that feeling. You have to do something. You have to change something radically, because you can’t stay like you are for another second, or you’re going to explode.”
— Forget You (Jennifer Echols)



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